Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!

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(415): View more from California

No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."

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(509): View more from Washington

Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.

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(212): View more from New York

Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(209): View more from California

We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem

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(770): View more from Georgia

Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.

(1-405): View more from Oklahoma

I can't even make a guess how that goes.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.

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