You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
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it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
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I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake