This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize