It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night