whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off