Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.