Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
