i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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