She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My ass is underappreciated
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
