He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
