sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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