i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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