i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
