So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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