I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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