I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
