Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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