gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wish my penis had a tongue
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Someone shattered a urinal.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
