i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
