Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
