whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
