I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My life is pants optional.
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