based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She even gives head with a lisp.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
