It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
