yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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