i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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