just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
