Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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