Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
