Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
