I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
