Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
