my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
