I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
