we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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