It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
