I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
