i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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