I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
