Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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