I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
