i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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