I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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