My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
