he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
