I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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