he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
it glows. i had to have it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome