I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras