I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
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I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
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The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?