I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.