I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.