i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that