Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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