I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
