I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
