Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
