He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
