how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
