oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
why do cheetos always look like penises
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
