Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
