dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
