I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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