i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
