I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
