Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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