I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
