You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
