I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
