he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
