Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
