I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
